When it all makes sense

It has been awhile, almost a month to be exact, since my last post. What a month it has been! Remember that whole vulnerability thing I talked about in the last blog? Yeah well, that was fun! Can you sense the sarcasm in my tone? Well, the good thing is I survived it. It seems, the shadow self of mine, is one very stubborn chick! We wrestled, we threw down, and we argued, but ultimately, I believe we ended up for a lack of a better word, frenemies (friend – enemies, combined).

There were many revelations and many Aha moments. Once I decided to face this nasty vulnerability and weakness in the eye, the tears subsided and a tenacious strength took hold. As situations started to occur (the universes way of getting things done) I found myself ready for battle. I took a defensive stance, no matter what the situation was.

Right after this process began I had a dream. In this dream I was in combat fatigues and I was hanging a graduation gown in a military locker. At first I hung the gown on the right side of the locker, backwards. I looked around and noticed that everyone else had theirs hanging on the left. As a result, I took the gown and moved it to the left side and hung it hanging forward. I knew that I was being sent off to war. Everyone was getting their things together, I had a choice of whether to pack my own bag of things to bring, or I could pick a bag that was already packed. I picked up the bag, (blue flannel material), and inside; there was a plastic toy telephone. I put down the bag thinking to myself that a toy plastic telephone was going to do me no good at all. I chose to pack the bag myself. (I know, big shock.)

This dream was telling me that I am prepared for conflict and ready for a fight, (combat fatigues). I was hanging up a graduation gown, which means I have graduated and am ready to let go of that which I was clinging to. At first I hung the gown on the right side and backwards. This means priority given to a supportive role. Then I moved the gown to the left side, hanging forward. This means a shift away from the rigid, established perceptions. I was being sent off to war, this translated, means an ongoing conflict. The flannel bag and the plastic telephone, points to interference in one's life and how it is communicated.

Vulnerability and weakness are definitely something that I have been in conflict with for a long time. By making the choice to face this shadow part of me, I could graduate from a place of fear to a place of confrontation. By keeping these parts of myself hidden, I was allowing my supportive role to take priority, instead of dealing with me. I am now shifting away from this ridged stance and confronting what needs to be confronted. Vulnerability and weakness was/is very much an interference in my life and apparently caused interference in how I communicated.

Many situations have arisen in the last 5 to 6 weeks that have lent it self to my squaring off with vulnerability and weakness. These situations showed no prejudice or favoritism, every part of my life seemed to be affected.

The beauty is that, as it was all happening, I was the observer. I took note of what was happening, and chose to surrender to the process. This in and of itself is not necessarily a new concept for me; however, it was very interesting to be the observer, the shadow and the first person. It was as if I was living the same life simultaneously through all three. Through this process I shed some skin, and skinned my knees, but for a few tears and on and off bouts of helplessness, I saw the lesson. I was aware, and I was present.

I would love to tell you that I am now whole, that my fear of vulnerability and weakness has been integrated, but that would be a mighty big untruth. My hope is that I have learned to accept this part of me, that I don't much like. My hope is that as things present themselves, I continue to go to source for guidance and strength. My really big hope is that, now that I have faced the big V, and the big W, I can get on with it.

As of late, forgiveness seems to be a recurrent theme. This seems to be a much kinder and gentler lesson. This lesson can be done during meditation, in my room, in my space and in my quiet. This lesson leaves me with a feeling of peace, a feeling of joy and a feeling of hope. Not just for me, but for all mankind. I am sure in the days to come; I will feel the need to blog further on the subject of forgiveness, but for right now, peace and love to all.

On a side note: With all that is happening in the world right now it is important to live in the world but not of it. Wear the world loosely around your shoulders as you would a cloak. Remember that thoughts are things and our world is our thoughts. Be aware of all of its happenings as you would the sunrise or the sunset. See the beauty, even if the fog covers the sunrise and clouds block out the sunset. Connect to source as often as possible and know that you are not alone. A new day is dawning, a new vibration has begun, and it is up to each one of us to continue to raise this vibration until there is heaven on earth.

Love, Light and Angel Blessings
Theri